The Day the World Turned Upside Down — with Tamil woven in

That day, the world turned upside down.

We didn’t தெரியும்theriyum · know why அதுadhu · it/that happened. Some of us wondered whether அதுadhu · it/that was our fault. Whether நம்மnamma · we had been praying to the wrong gods, or whether we had சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said the wrong things. But it wasn’t like that—the world simply turned upside down.

Scientists lucky enough to survive the event சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said அதுadhu · it/that அதுadhu · it/that wasn’t so much that gravity had disappeared, but that it had flipped over, as if our planet had suddenly lost எல்லாம்ellaam · all of its mass and was surrounded by some colossal object. Religious ஜனங்கjananga · people, unlucky enough to survive the miracle, சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said that life was give and take, and that God was இப்பippa · now, after so many years of giving, finally taking. But there was இல்லilla · not/no colossal object, and being taken by God is a dubious given.

It happened like a bolt from the blue, at ten-o-five AM. There was a moment, ஒண்ணுonnu · one magical moment, when நீnee · you could see us எல்லாம்ellaam · all floating in mid-air halfway up our living rooms, upside-down in whatever pose நம்மnamma · we had been in at the time—coffee drinkers drinking coffee from inverted coffee cups, lovers clinging to each other’s falling bodies, old men groping for slipping hairpieces, children crowing and cats screeching, எல்லாம்ellaam · all of us surrounded by the asteroids of our possessions. It was a moment of perfect madness, frozen in time.

Then began the groaning and the clattering, the roars and the screams. It was pandemonium. We crashed against ceilings and got crushed beneath the rubble of our old lives. Skulls cracked. Necks broke. Babies bounced. Most of us died on the spot or protruded convulsing from holes in plasterboard ceilings. Those who survived lay bewildered on top of them, trying to comprehend என்னenna · what had just happened.

But woe the ones who were outside. Before anyone even realized அதுadhu · it/that the sky was இல்லilla · not/no longer above, but below us, ஜனங்கjananga · people started falling from the face of the Earth. In இல்லilla · not/no time, the sky was dotted with tumbling ஜனங்கjananga · people, fluttering clothes, floundering dogs, careening cars, clattering roof tiles, mooing cattle, and whirling autumn leaves in colors அதுadhu · it/that set the sky ablaze. People sitting on their porches somersaulted until அவங்கavanga · they landed on creaking awnings and stared out over their rims into fathomless depths. A mole sticking its nose up from the ground was seized by reversed gravity, and a whale jumping from the waves would never dive back into the sea. Tired of her burden, Mother Earth shook off anything that wasn’t tied firmly down to her surface. In ஒண்ணுonnu · one upwards thrust, it எல்லாம்ellaam · all fell into the atmosphere. Planes, satellites, and space stations disappeared into the vacuum, and even Father Moon was pushed away from us. We saw him dwindle and dwindle, until அவன்avan · he landed in his own sad orbit around the sun. He never even சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said goodbye.

And me?

நான்naan · I was lying on the couch, இல்லilla · not/no doing anything really. நான்naan · I wasn’t reading a book or watching TV. If the world had வாvaa · come to an end, I wouldn’t even have noticed.

நான்naan · I was staring at my phone, waiting for you to call.

• • •

It was the second time in two days அதுadhu · it/that the world had வாvaa · come to an end. The first time was when நீnee · you lowered your eyes the day before and சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said: It’s இல்லilla · not/no நீnee · you, அதுadhu · it/that’s என்னைennai · me. It was the last lie between us, or actually the first lie of not-us, because you no longer wanted an us. What நான்naan · I felt was the best thing in என்னோடennoda · my life, for you had been a burden. Without me. You wanted to be without me.

My heart shattered to pieces on என்னோடennoda · my abdominal wall. Large chunks of deep, staggering hurt and dismay at how calmly நீnee · you announced these words, without the tiniest clue அதுadhu · it/that இதுidhu · this was the most painful thing நீnee · you’d ever had to tell என்னைennai · me, அதுadhu · it/that you would die a thousand deaths rather than having to tell me இதுidhu · this. You were the love of என்னோடennoda · my life, and it had never occurred to me that you might take that away from me. நான்naan · I tried to pretend நான்naan · I understood, that I didn’t blame you for இல்லilla · not/no wanting to try anymore, that எல்லாம்ellaam · all my frustration and pain were இல்லilla · not/no match for your frustration and pain. I loved you too much to even be mad at you.

We stood in the corridor as நான்naan · I choked out the words. “Are நீnee · you really, really, really sure?”

“No. Yes.”

“You said no.”

“Yes.”

“But couldn’t நம்மnamma · we . . .”

“No.”

“But couldn’t நம்மnamma · we . . .”

“No, Toby. I’m sorry.”

In the silence நான்naan · I heard என்னோடennoda · my shaking breath. You fidgeted nervously with your purse, searching for some way to open the front door. What a horrible, horrible place a corridor is: halfway between staying and leaving. நான்naan · I gathered எல்லாம்ellaam · all my courage and asked, “So நம்மnamma · we’re இல்லilla · not/no longer . . .”

Finally நீnee · you looked at என்னைennai · me, with tears in your eyes, and then you slowly shook your head. நான்naan · I struggled to hold back என்னோடennoda · my tears, but அவங்கavanga · they came anyway. That broke you down as well. We held each other for a long time, close and tight, and holding you like அதுadhu · it/that was the hardest thing I had ever done. Then you let போpo · go.

நான்naan · I smiled through my tears.

You smiled through your tears.

“Omnomnom?” I asked.

“Nomnomnom,” நீnee · you said. And then you disappeared down the stairs.

For the first half hour நான்naan · I resolved to show myself a valuable and sound person and இல்லilla · not/no throw in the towel. நான்naan · I forced என்னோடennoda · my tears back into என்னோடennoda · my eyes and started doing the dishes. But as your lips on the glasses dissolved in the suds, I was constantly being haunted by visions of other men caressing the skin I wanted to caress, kissing the mouth I wanted to kiss, and fucking the girl I had made love to for such long nights. Visions அதுadhu · it/that made என்னைennai · me attack the crockery with so much aimless remorse அதுadhu · it/that trembling glasses took cover beneath dinner plates, and I started toying with the terrifying yet tempting idea of smashing a glass on the kitchen counter and slicing my wrists with the shards. Later that same afternoon, I discovered நீnee · you had changed your Facebook status to “single,” even though it had taken நீnee · you weeks to reluctantly agree to the opposite, and I dumped my laptop in the cold dishwater. And early that night, the emptiness you left behind descended on என்னைennai · me altogether and I was alone, alone in the full extent of my grief.

It was late when நீnee · you texted me. நான்naan · I was lying on the couch, இல்லilla · not/no really asleep and not really awake. The shards of என்னோடennoda · my heart leapt up in my stomach.

Bubbles is still at your place. நான்naan · I’ll come pick him up tomorrow.

That was அதுadhu · it/that. No Are நீnee · you home tomorrow? or Maybe நம்மnamma · we can talk about அதுadhu · it/that some more. No How about நீnee · you brew us a pot of Minty Morocco, which you always liked so much, and இல்லilla · not/no even How are you இப்பippa · now? Just: நான்naan · I’ll வாvaa · come pick him up tomorrow. From across the other side of the room, Bubbles stared wistfully in the murky water of his fishbowl, and more than anything else, that stare made it irreversible.

Oh, Sophie, நீnee · you are so incredibly, immensely, inimitably dear to me. Why did you have to do இதுidhu · this?

• • •

When அதுadhu · it/that எல்லாம்ellaam · all happened, நான்naan · I had a throw cushion pressed to என்னோடennoda · my face. Maybe அதுadhu · it/that was some sort of effort to close myself off from the world tumbling down around என்னைennai · me a little too literally. And so என்னோடennoda · my landing on the ceiling was remarkably gentle. The plasterboards broke my fall; the backrest of the couch guarded my bones from breaking. In a daze, நான்naan · I crawled out from underneath it, without so much as a scratch.

The first thing ஒண்ணுonnu · one experiences after gravity has flipped and the initial turmoil has died down is இல்லilla · not/no shock, but disorientation. நான்naan · I didn’t even realize நான்naan · I had landed on the ceiling and என்னோடennoda · my living room was upside-down. I didn’t think of an earthquake, even though the air-raid alarm was whooping. Before I had a chance to form a thought or two, I saw something between the ubiquitous chaos of shattered furniture, snapped houseplants, strewn potting soil, dangling electrical wires, and splintered pictures of நீnee · you and என்னைennai · me—something அதுadhu · it/that froze என்னோடennoda · my blood.

Bubbles’ fishbowl had shattered.

He was floundering in a puddle of water between the shards, panicked.

And அதுadhu · it/that’s when my phone rang.

நான்naan · I found அதுadhu · it/that beneath a flap of carpet, but right then the air-raid alarm outside stopped and the phone went mute. When நான்naan · I checked the display and saw அதுadhu · it/that நீnee · you were the ஒண்ணுonnu · one who had called என்னைennai · me, என்னோடennoda · my heart started pounding. I immediately tried calling நீnee · you back, but there was இல்லilla · not/no signal. I tried again and again, over and over, whatever it was that had happened, you had survived, you had tried to reach என்னைennai · me before the network failed, and Bubbles jumped up in a final effort to draw என்னோடennoda · my attention, gasping like a fish on dry land, and then lay still, dying.

I was alive.

You were alive.

Bubbles was alive.

நான்naan · I jumped up lickety-split and started rummaging between the wreckage, but the best thing நான்naan · I could find on such short notice was your half empty bottle of 7-Up. I started shaking அதுadhu · it/that like mad to let the carbon dioxide out, dipping என்னோடennoda · my fingertips into the puddle of water between the broken glass and tenderly wetting Bubbles’s orange scales. But then the impatient goldfish swished his tail, as if to spur என்னைennai · me into action. I took a sip, found அதுadhu · it/that எல்லாம்ellaam · all the carbonation had dissipated, wriggled Bubbles in through the bottleneck, and held என்னோடennoda · my breath until I heard a satisfying splash.

Fish and lemon போpo · go well together.

When நான்naan · I glanced over at the window and looked outside, the world instantly started teetering. நான்naan · I lived on the third floor of a three-story apartment building. The houses on the other side of the park were hanging upside-down from the surface of the Earth, which was above என்னைennai · me இப்பippa · now, groaning under its own weight. The roofs had released their tiles, and also the trees hung upside-down, just like the swings and slides and the laundry on the lines in the garden of என்னோடennoda · my neighbor across the street. Utterly speechless, I grabbed the bottle holding unfortunate Bubbles, his pouting lips gasping for oxygen just above the soda surface, and crawled across the ceiling, over the upturned couch toward the upturned window. That’s where the depth of the atmosphere washed over என்னைennai · me in a dizzying wave, and for a moment I sat there, frozen, afraid to even shed any tears, worried அதுadhu · it/that அவங்கavanga · they might prove too much for the wobbly ceiling. The scene outside was so incredibly at odds with the laws of nature அதுadhu · it/that I wanted to grab on to the window frame to keep myself from falling up, but gravity held me pressed up against the ceiling and it was only என்னோடennoda · my stomach going topsy-turvy.

நான்naan · I didn’t see any people, except for ஒண்ணுonnu · one: a woman dangling from the playground fence.

She was hanging from the bars, her knuckles white, her legs in the void, and her back turned so நான்naan · I couldn’t see her face. On her arms, two oh-so-bothersome Kroger bags were trying to drag her down.

With extreme care, நான்naan · I raised myself up and opened the upturned window. My heart in என்னோடennoda · my throat, and my hands on the window frame, நான்naan · I leaned out. “Ma’am?”

My voice startled her, but அவava · she was afraid to look down, worried அதுadhu · it/that the least little shift in balance might make her lose her grip. “நான்naan · I need help!” அவava · she shouted, remarkably calm for her remarkably precarious position.

“What happened?” I yelled.

“It’s Christmas time, all right? நான்naan · I can’t hold on for much longer!”

“Wait! Hang on there!”

“நான்naan · I had no other plans!”

“Sorry! நான்naan · I mean . . . I’m coming to help you!”

But by some unfortunate coincidence, the rusty axle of என்னோடennoda · my bike, dangling twenty-five feet higher up from its chain lock fastened to the bicycle stand, chose அதுadhu · it/that exact moment to snap. As the wheel dangled up there, the frame tumbled down and, in passing, smashed என்னோடennoda · my open window to pieces. Startled, நான்naan · I let போpo · go of the 7-Up bottle. It flew out of my hand and landed on the bottom of the gutter, rolled away from the window . . . and stopped right on the edge, out of my reach.

Bubbles, in the throes of an acute case of hyperventilation, darted from ஒண்ணுonnu · one end of the bottle to the other as quickly as his delicate fins would carry him. நான்naan · I looked from the tormented goldfish to the unhappily dangling woman—“Please hurry!” அவava · she yelled இப்பippa · now—and suddenly நான்naan · I saw your face. You had tried to call என்னைennai · me.

In a world அதுadhu · it/that wasn’t upside-down, நீnee · you were the only thing that mattered.

நான்naan · I scrambled up and worked என்னோடennoda · my way through the tumbled-over living room, over the knee-high threshold into the corridor, where strips of linoleum were hanging down and water from the toilet cistern had collected on the ceiling, then over the knee-high threshold into the kitchen. If possible, the mayhem was even worse in there: cupboard doors ripped from their hinges, open drawers, strewn cutlery, pots and pans thrown from the shelves and a ragged hole in the ceiling panels where the fridge had burst right through and from which daylight இப்பippa · now shone. Quickly, quickly, balancing on என்னோடennoda · my toes, நான்naan · I reached for the bottom cupboard, got buried in kitchen gear when I opened the door and, inside, found என்னenna · what I was looking for: the lashing rope for the trailer.

The end of the world creates two sorts of ஜனங்கjananga · people: heroes and cowards. When the dangling woman had finally gathered enough courage to glance over her shoulder and saw என்னைennai · me clambering from the open window, ஒண்ணுonnu · one end of the lashing rope tied around the couch in the living room and the other end around என்னோடennoda · my waist, அவava · she must have thought நான்naan · I belonged to the former. Unaware of something cold அதுadhu · it/that had seized என்னைennai · me அதுadhu · it/that same moment, அவava · she mumbled, “Thank God.” And இல்லilla · not/no much later, as நான்naan · I reached and I stretched, as I tensed and I leaned, engrossed in efforts to try and get a hold of the goldfish in his bottle on the bottom of the gutter, the woman plummeted down, thinking of a long and fertile life, and neither நீnee · you nor I would ever தெரியும்theriyum · know her name.

At the end of the world, அதுadhu · it/that’s every man for himself.

You had taught me அதுadhu · it/that, Sophie.

It was as perilous as அதுadhu · it/that was impossible to reach the blasted 7-Up bottle from the window. After two deep breaths நான்naan · I finally ventured out onto the gutter, keeping the lashing rope loosely in என்னோடennoda · my left hand, and started shuffling forward inch by inch along the edge of the immeasurable abyss, என்னோடennoda · my cheek pressed against the glass. நான்naan · I was terrified. Six feet . . . four and a half . . . three . . . until the rope pulled taut, and I bent my knees extremely slowly, reaching out, my fingertips grazing the bottle cap—அதுadhu · it/that’s when the gutter snapped and tumbled into the abyss with என்னைennai · me.

Everything spun; நான்naan · I squeezed என்னோடennoda · my eyes shut and clamped என்னோடennoda · my jaws and waited for the snap of the rope and then dzinng the yank and my stomach flap from my abdomen and the couch smack against the window frame and myself whoosh, shaken like a ragdoll.

It was an eternity before நான்naan · I stopped and summoned the nerve to open என்னோடennoda · my eyes.

நான்naan · I hung about three feet underneath the eaves and ஒண்ணுonnu · one light year over firm ground. The rope was cutting into என்னோடennoda · my midriff. நான்naan · I realized I was holding the bottle. Bubbles was floating on his back, but அவன்avan · he opened his stunned little eyes when I apprehensively tapped the plastic.

Now அதுadhu · it/that நான்naan · I finally had a moment of peace—a word rarely used in a more relative context—நான்naan · I had some time to ponder the situation. The Earth in reversed perspective is as wondrous a sight as அதுadhu · it/that is a frightening ஒண்ணுonnu · one: a ceiling reaching until the horizon, but nothing below. An enormous nothing. No shouts or sirens anywhere. Only, in the distance, the constant creaking of things breaking off and disappearing into the depths, along with disoriented birds trying to find places to land and sadly tumbling into the cosmos.

“Do நீnee · you know what time it is?” a small voice suddenly asked.

நான்naan · I tried to turn toward the source of the voice, என்னோடennoda · my legs kicking the emptiness. The two swings in the playground were hanging down in the air from their blue-painted frame. On ஒண்ணுonnu · one of them sat a little girl with three crooked ponytails and dangling legs, looking down at என்னைennai · me with her small fists clenched around the chains.

“Er . . . don’t be afraid,” நான்naan · I said, not very convincingly.

“நான்naan · I wanted to go so high I could touch the sky,” the little girl சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said. “Mommy said don’t go so high, நீnee · you’ll flip right over. But I did anyway, and இப்பippa · now I can’t get back down!”

“That’s . . . inconvenient,” நான்naan · I mumbled. நான்naan · I realized I was immediately trying to distance myself from the girl. There was nothing I could do for her. She was on a swing twenty feet away from என்னைennai · me, but அவava · she might as well have been on the moon. I started to make preparations to extricate myself from என்னோடennoda · my precarious position.

“My name is Dawnie,” the girl on the moon சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said.

“Uh . . . hello.”

நான்naan · I slipped the 7-Up bottle into my pants.

“நான்naan · I’m a big girl. I’m five,” the girl on the moon said.

“Uh . . . okay.”

நான்naan · I started to haul myself up along the rope.

“So do நீnee · you know what time அதுadhu · it/that is?” Dawnie asked. “Mommy said two minutes, then நம்மnamma · we’re going home, ’cause நான்naan · I’ve got these groceries to put away. Except I don’t know how long two minutes is.”

And I faltered.

நான்naan · I thought of the woman with the Kroger bags, and அதுadhu · it/that’s when then the loss of எல்லாம்ellaam · all the lives in the world crashed over என்னைennai · me; அதுadhu · it/that unfortunate woman’s life, but also the life of the girl on the swing, the life of a mother and the life of a child, the lives of lovers and broken hearts, your life and mine. Lives tumbling across the floor like pearls from a string நீnee · you had broken, rolling around the வீடுveedu · house and then disappearing. The death of the world is a frequently returning phenomenon, but even the most visionary philosophers could இல்லilla · not/no have foreseen how it had happened இதுidhu · this time. Yesterday நான்naan · I woke up with நீnee · you in என்னோடennoda · my arms, kissed the spot between your breasts where your heart was, and you had been mine. Now I was hanging like an anchor from the bottom of the world, and the world had வாvaa · come to a stop.

• • •

Bubbles revived visibly after நான்naan · I used a straw to suck the water அதுadhu · it/that had sloshed from the cistern and collected on the toilet ceiling and siphoned அதுadhu · it/that into a rinsed-out 7-Up bottle. Next, நான்naan · I sawed the legs off the pine dining table, pulled panels from the hole in the kitchen ceiling and lifted the doors from their hinges. After என்னோடennoda · my struggle to climb in through the window, the walkway was a piece of cake. Working என்னோடennoda · my way up over banisters and landings, I hauled myself to the ground floor; a wobbly tower of mattresses and sofas then took என்னைennai · me to the door of the apartment building.

How என்னோடennoda · my heart crashed to என்னோடennoda · my feet at the prospect of having to make my way through அதுadhu · it/that upside-down world, dangling from a ceiling of groaning roots and foundations! But my wish to save the little girl was greater. The first hurdle நான்naan · I took by shoving the longest bookshelves between the railings of the playground fence and nailing them to the doorpost. Across came the tabletop, and behold: The first few yards of my scaffolding were a fact. நான்naan · I worked for hours and hours. My platform of window ledges and shelves, of mirror frames and doors continued to grow; from the stairs to the hanging fence, from the hanging fence to the hanging oak, from the hanging oak to the hanging swings, எல்லாம்ellaam · all of my possessions strung together into a footbridge across the emptiness. Working like இதுidhu · this, my hands created a perfect reflection of என்னenna · what had become of my life. Maybe அதுadhu · it/that was the reason I wanted to save the girl: Crawling around an upturned world, I tried to convince myself that it was the world that stood on its head, இல்லilla · not/no என்னைennai · me.

By the time நான்naan · I rope-knotted the carpet-covered drainpipes to the blue frame of the swing set, lowered the attic ladder, and told Dawnie to climb toward என்னைennai · me, the sun had risen to the horizon and the sky was red as blood.

Dawnie lifted her full moon face up at me. “நான்naan · I’m scared,” she சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said quietly.

நான்naan · I was on என்னோடennoda · my stomach, arms wrapped around the frame, the ladder an extension of my reaching hands. “I won’t let போpo · go.”

Dawnie hesitated. “Are நீnee · you really, really, really sure?”

“No. Yes.”

“You said no.”

“Yes.”

“But couldn’t நம்மnamma · we . . .”

“No.”

“But couldn’t நம்மnamma · we . . .”

“No, Dawnie. Climb up.”

Very, very, very carefully, Dawnie moved her hands higher up along the chains and stood on the swing. She looked at the ladder with fear and revulsion, as if அவava · she was afraid to leave the swing behind, as if அவava · she wanted to swing some more, back and forth, back and forth between என்னenna · what was behind her and என்னenna · what was ahead. Then she made a decision, placed her foot on the bottom rung and scurried up the ladder, quick and feather-light.

Later, when the sun soared up behind the horizon, நம்மnamma · we stared out of the living room window at the theatre of Earth’s vomit in the atmosphere. Dawnie stared with unabated wide eyes over the edge of her woolen blanket, Bubbles floated with unabated melancholy in the pure water and நான்naan · I unabatedly mourned என்னோடennoda · my previous life, which had fallen over the edge of the world along with everything else. We heard explosions in the distance and the air was heavy with a burning smell அதுadhu · it/that had nowhere else to போpo · go than to spread out against the Earth’s surface. Most fires extinguished themselves as buildings broke off and crashed into the abyss, dragging grey plumes of smoke behind them like falling comets.

“And mountains, are அவங்கavanga · they falling, too?” Dawnie asked, a bit dreamily.

She had entertained herself by throwing houseplants out the window, but அதுadhu · it/that had soon bored her to watch them disappear into the universe. Dawnie was young enough to take to a new normality without much trouble. நான்naan · I wasn’t. In mounting despair, நான்naan · I had been trying to get some news about the catastrophe, but besides the cell phone network and the Internet, எல்லாம்ellaam · all radio waves seemed to have disappeared as well.

“நான்naan · I think it’s raining boulders there right now,” I said.

“How about volcanoes?”

“நான்naan · I guess the fire runs out of them. Dead-straight pillars of lava, எல்லாம்ellaam · all the way into space.”

Dawnie looked suspicious. “But won’t அதுadhu · it/that make the Earth run out?”

I hadn’t considered that.

Were நீnee · you looking at the same view outside when நான்naan · I did, at the same upside-down world, and did நீnee · you feel the same bewilderment நான்naan · I felt? Of எல்லாம்ellaam · all the ஜனங்கjananga · people in the world, why had you called என்னைennai · me immediately after the world had வாvaa · come to an end? And why இல்லilla · not/no sooner? Why இல்லilla · not/no எல்லாம்ellaam · all those times when அதுadhu · it/that still mattered? Twice before I had lost love, ஒண்ணுonnu · one to another man and ஒண்ணுonnu · one to indifference, but neither of those loves had been as fundamental and natural as என்னோடennoda · my love for you. If I woke up during the night and missed the weight அதுadhu · it/that had dented the mattress beside என்னைennai · me, I was terrified about you getting all too enraptured and wrapped up in the nightlife. And if you crawled into bed just before dawn, drunk and exhausted and instantly asleep, I would lie awake beside you trying not to smell other men on your breath. And so என்னோடennoda · my fear of you leaving me created premature lovesickness: I missed your body as it was lying beside me; I yearned for your touch as your arm was resting on my chest, making the memory of it even more real and my heartache even worse. It felt like I had already lost you.

A downpour of falling stars drew lines across the sunken darkness: the last breaths of objects அதுadhu · it/that had been on Earth இதுidhu · this morning and were இப்பippa · now falling back into the atmosphere. A fireworks display of thousands of dying things. நான்naan · I watched breathlessly, afraid to make a wish.

After a while நான்naan · I noticed that Dawnie was still awake.

“Mommy is a falling star, too,” அவava · she mumbled.

நான்naan · I realized she might very well be right.

• • •

The world hadn’t been on its head for a full day before a general consensus had been reached about how survivors communicated their survival: by hanging white sheets or curtains from their windows and chimneys. They constituted the first independent link in a uniform chain of interweaved rope bridges and gangways, stringing itself out in the days after the disaster like a spider web.

My hope அதுadhu · it/that நான்naan · I could leave Dawnie with relatives soon evaporated. When I asked her where her father lived, அவava · she answered, “At Grandma’s.”

“At Grandma’s?”

“Yes, Mom and Dad got in இதுidhu · this fight about எல்லாம்ellaam · all sorts of things and Dad சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said அவன்avan · he’d had to give up all kinds of things to be with her and then Mom said oh, அதுadhu · it/that’s that again and then அவங்கavanga · they yelled at each other and then Dad went to live with Grandma.” She was silent for a moment before adding, “Do நீnee · you think Grandma is upside-down இப்பippa · now, too?”

நான்naan · I felt my stomach twist. “Do you know where Grandma lives?”

“Somewhere நம்மnamma · we always went by car,” Dawnie சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said, tugging at her crooked ponytails. “But நான்naan · I don’t wanna go to Grandma’s. Grandma yells at Mommy, too.”

“So where would நீnee · you like to go?”

“I want my Mommy.”

நான்naan · I realized அதுadhu · it/that Dawnie didn’t have anything left as well, just like me. So we had to share.

“Then நீnee · you’re coming with me,” நான்naan · I decided. “And on the way, நம்மnamma · we’ll try to find Mommy. But you’ll have to do one thing for me.”

“What?” Dawnie asked.

நான்naan · I gave her the 7-Up bottle. Dawnie took அதுadhu · it/that in her hands as if அதுadhu · it/that held the weight of the world. She looked wide-eyed in through the plastic, and Bubbles looked wide-eyed out. For a second, something of immense significance seemed to be exchanged between the goldfish and the girl, as if her desire to see her mother and Bubbles’ desire to see நீnee · you, which was really என்னோடennoda · my desire to see நீnee · you, were just ஒண்ணுonnu · one and the same thing. Then Dawnie’s face lit up in a wide smile, displaying her entire gappy set of teeth. From that moment on, Dawnie never left Bubbles’ side. If அவன்avan · he was hungry, அவava · she flaked fish food in through the bottleneck; if அவன்avan · he was thirsty, அவava · she added more water; and if he got short of breath she blew in air through a straw until Bubbles regained his luster.

At the end of the world, நம்மnamma · we எல்லாம்ellaam · all need something to hold on to. If நம்மnamma · we don’t hold on, we’ll have to let போpo · go. And if we let போpo · go, we’ll have to find our own orbit in the universe.

And so நான்naan · I held on to the playground fence. Tightly! We had reached அதுadhu · it/that by climbing through the walkway door and over the tabletop bridge, but once there, the unnatural depths below our feet affected என்னைennai · me so acutely அதுadhu · it/that நான்naan · I seized up against the fence for several minutes, என்னோடennoda · my hair streaming in the wind, unable to போpo · go forwards or backwards. I only dared to look up when I felt Dawnie’s soft hand touching mine.

“You don’t have to be afraid,” அவava · she சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said, showing என்னைennai · me the 7-Up bottle in her little backpack to urge me on. “There’s nothing down there.”

That wasn’t just the truest, but also the loneliest thing அவava · she could have சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said. The abyss instantly lost its meaning. It turned into just another obstacle, ஒண்ணுonnu · one of the obstacles நான்naan · I could lower Dawnie down along or lift her up with the rope between us. Inch by inch, நம்மnamma · we shuffled toward the edge of the park and, deftly manipulating the attic ladder, reached the first treetop in the row of lime trees lining the street. Even though many branches had been ripped off by falling cars, அதுadhu · it/that was relatively easy to use the ladder to climb from tree to tree to windowsill and back to tree. And so நம்மnamma · we zigzagged forward, a ripped-open Earth surface with power cables and sewers protruding like dead veins and bones over our heads, and every step brought என்னைennai · me closer to நீnee · you, every step took the sting out of the cruelty of your last words and transformed them into a message of hope: Bubbles is still at your place. நான்naan · I’ll வாvaa · come pick him up tomorrow.

“Hey, you there!”

In an easy chair on a timber platform, hanging a little ways below an attic window from a makeshift assembly of furniture, sat a short, balding man. On the boards beside him stood a thermos, and a steaming mug of coffee. When நம்மnamma · we spotted him, the man waved his binoculars.

“Relief troops are on the way!” he yelled நல்லாnallaa · good-naturedly.

“Really?” நான்naan · I yelled back, feeling a spark of hope.

The man burst out in a roar of laughter. “Of course இல்லilla · not/no! நான்naan · I thought நீnee · you were the relief troops!” He smacked himself on the thigh and took a sip of coffee. “From what I can see from down இங்கinga · here, things are not looking நல்லாnallaa · good!”

நான்naan · I sighed, nevertheless glad to be able to talk to an adult. “What do நீnee · you think happened?” நான்naan · I asked, gesturing around.

“Hanged if நான்naan · I தெரியும்theriyum · know!” the man yelled. “The Earth pulled a fast ஒண்ணுonnu · one on us, இப்பippa · now didn’t அதுadhu · it/that! No Internet, இல்லilla · not/no phones, no information! Last night நான்naan · I heard a loudspeaker message from downtown, but it was too far away to make out என்னenna · what it was saying! I’ve heard rumors that அவங்கavanga · they’re building rope bridges and structures down there! You know, plenty of food for survivors and எல்லாம்ellaam · all that! But நீnee · you’re only the second group I’ve seen வாvaa · come by இங்கinga · here all day! The first one made it to the end of the street before they fell into the sky by accident!” He paused for a second, and then added, “We’re doomed!”

“How about நீnee · you? Aren’t you going to try getting downtown?”

“Now நீnee · you listen to me, son!” the man yelled. “நான்naan · I’ve lived here all என்னோடennoda · my life! As far as I know, I’m the only one who’s seen both the construction and the demise of இதுidhu · this street! What do you think about அதுadhu · it/that?”

• • •

On the second day of our journey, நம்மnamma · we saw injured ஜனங்கjananga · people on ceilings behind windows, waving curtains and begging, their hands pressed up against the glass.

On the third day, நம்மnamma · we found a string of knotted sheets dangling down from a bay window, where someone had gone in search of solid ground.

On the fourth day, என்னோடennoda · my heart sank, because the hours and minutes were raining down in the universe and நம்மnamma · we were making such slow progress, and because நான்naan · I missed நீnee · you so much, and because எல்லாம்ellaam · all ordinary and extraordinary speculations about the catastrophe turned out to be pointless. We had climbed on the underside of the bridge, இப்பippa · now suspended below the river. The road surface had fallen off, but the iron frame was still intact and a few concrete slabs were still fixed to the pylons. And believe அதுadhu · it/that or இல்லilla · not/no: the water was still there. Flowing like liquid lead across the ceiling of the Earth’s surface, அதுadhu · it/that spat the laws of nature in the eye. In places where the surface heaved, the water rained down in a soft, windblown mist, as if the river surface itself was the plane where gravity flipped over.

“Why isn’t the river falling down?” Dawnie asked.

நான்naan · I wanted to say something—நான்naan · I think Earth was simply fed up with us—but before I had a chance, Dawnie got bowled over by a hang glider அதுadhu · it/that suddenly came hurtling through the space between the river and the bridge. My hand darted out to grab her little backpack before அவava · she and Bubbles in the bottle could tumble away. The aviator whooped, circled around in the airspace below us, and came flying toward us from the front. For a second, அதுadhu · it/that seemed like அவன்avan · he was going to crash, but in the last instant அவன்avan · he pulled the hang glider’s nose up, slowing down and losing lift right over the underside of the bridge. He landed with a clumsy, stumbling step and stopped, dragging the delta wing behind him. “Rescue-squad, at your service,” the aviator சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said. “Women and children first, please.”

“That was . . . spectacular,” நான்naan · I stammered.

“Thank நீnee · you, thank நீnee · you,” the man சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said, unclipping himself from his contraption. “Municipal service. Only way of picking up survivors and getting them to the evacuation centers.”

“There are evacuation centers?” நான்naan · I asked incredulously.

“In the basement below city hall.”

“And the city had ஒண்ணுonnu · one of those . . . flying things?”

“Three, actually,” the aviator grinned. “Haven’t நீnee · you seen என்னோடennoda · my associates around? Maybe அவங்கavanga · they haven’t been to இதுidhu · this part of town yet.” He lowered himself to his knee in front of Dawnie and took her hand. “Hello there, big girl. How would you like to go flying?” Then அவன்avan · he looked up at என்னைennai · me. “Sorry, children first. It’s protocol. நான்naan · I’ll வாvaa · come back for you later.”

Dawnie shifted a forlorn look from the aviator to என்னைennai · me. Something in her eyes alarmed என்னைennai · me. Something wasn’t right.

“Isn’t அதுadhu · it/that dangerous?” நான்naan · I asked, in an effort to stall for time more than anything else.

“Thermal holds the wing up,” the aviator சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said, straightening and moving his hand to Dawnie’s back. “Warm air rises up and எல்லாம்ellaam · all அதுadhu · it/that shit. Now that everything’s upside-down, it’s all thermal. Falling crap, that’s என்னenna · what நீnee · you don’t want.”

“And where do நீnee · you land?”

“Bridges, roofs, hangars with loading bays . . . even trees will work, but அவங்கavanga · they’ll screw up your wing.”

“நான்naan · I meant at city hall . . .”

“Holy fuck! Look at அதுadhu · it/that!” the aviator சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said, turning toward the river flowing past over our heads, looking solid. “That’s like magic.” He had shrugged off his harness and started stripping off his clothes, as if அவன்avan · he was planning on going for a swim. Suddenly நான்naan · I was sure. There was இல்லilla · not/no evacuation center, இல்லilla · not/no municipal rescue-squad, no protocol. The man was a flying predator. He had been circling around like a hawk and had spotted his prey. He would fly off with Dawnie, and நான்naan · I would wait, but no ஒண்ணுonnu · one would வாvaa · come back.

In his underwear, the aviator started climbing the iron frame around the bridge pylon toward the river. He had எல்லாம்ellaam · all the time in the world. We had nowhere to போpo · go, and அவன்avan · he knew அதுadhu · it/that. But just then, Bubbles jumped up from the water in the 7-Up bottle with a significant slosh, and Dawnie and நான்naan · I exchanged a glance. In an instant, நான்naan · I slipped into the harness and fastened the straps. The aviator had reached the lead-grey surface of the water and carefully lifted his arm. Gesturing frantically, I urged Dawnie to hurry. The aviator’s hand slipped through the surface . . . and water from the river started trickling down his arm in small rivulets.

“Awesome . . .” அவன்avan · he breathed, his gaze following the water drip onto the bridge below . . . when அவன்avan · he suddenly caught sight of us and yelled, “Hey, என்னenna · what the hell are நீnee · you doing!”

“Hang on!” நான்naan · I shouted, hurling Dawnie on to என்னோடennoda · my back, grabbing the hang glider’s frame, fastening carabiners and fastening Dawnie, hoping-praying-begging let the belt around her pants carry her, small arms around என்னோடennoda · my neck and the aviator jumping down right behind us and என்னைennai · me running with my breath in my throat and my eyes closed and ஒண்ணுonnu · one second to think: Are those carabiners clipped on right? And then நம்மnamma · we plummeted from the bridge and started spiraling down like madmen.

And a yank and a dizzying nose dive, and the world contracted. The hang glider righted itself and நம்மnamma · we were flying. நான்naan · I screamed, realizing நான்naan · I had never flown before, இல்லilla · not/no without wings and இல்லilla · not/no with them. The aviator screamed on the bridge, already far behind us இப்பippa · now. And Dawnie . . . அவava · she didn’t scream, but held on tightly to என்னோடennoda · my back, her hands covering என்னோடennoda · my eyes as she herself gazed around in delight.

• • •

It is relatively easy to fly a hang glider if the need arises, but landing while there is இல்லilla · not/no ground to land on? That’s a more complicated matter.

நான்naan · I was afraid to fly more than a small distance beneath the Earth’s surface. That turned out to be simple, since the thermal from the fires hovering between the splintered rooftops and the smoke did indeed continue to lift the delta wing up. By moving என்னோடennoda · my balance on the bar to the front, நான்naan · I dove down and prevented us from slamming into the Earth, and after some experimenting I could steer the delta wing by shifting என்னோடennoda · my weight to the left and right.

For the first time since your அதுadhu · it/that’s இல்லilla · not/no நீnee · you, it’s என்னைennai · me, a new feeling washed over me: a sense of freedom, at least temporarily pushing என்னோடennoda · my desire to be someone else and somewhere else into the back of my mind.

After a while, a flock of geese came flying in our tail. நான்naan · I wondered where அவங்கavanga · they had வாvaa · come from; they were just there, suddenly. I set a course for நீnee · you and the geese winged along beside us.

The dead Earth was a thing of fabulous beauty.

We saw lovers, hugging each other in trees. We saw children, pulling small buckets of food and folded notes back and forth on clotheslines between upside-down windows. We saw ஜனங்கjananga · people finding each other on the jumbled strings of assemblies அவங்கavanga · they were building, forging the umbilical cord of a new society. And after a while நம்மnamma · we had left the city behind and எல்லாம்ellaam · all நம்மnamma · we saw were trees, their branches drooping sadly and their leaves fluttering away into the bottomless depths of the atmosphere, making அதுadhu · it/that seem as if the Earth was weeping green tears.

We were very close to where நீnee · you lived when Dawnie pointed and சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said, “There’s where நம்மnamma · we can go and see Mommy!”

Suspended in the air in front of us was a seemingly endless rope ladder, undulating calmly in the sultry breeze. As நம்மnamma · we neared அதுadhu · it/that, நான்naan · I saw அதுadhu · it/that the ladder hung from a trapdoor in the roof of a caravan, dangling from the face of the Earth by iron chains. A higgledy-piggledy board walkway connected it to a small, ramshackle, upside-down வீடுveedu · house from which enormous amounts of flaxen rope moved toward the peculiar trailer in spun cobwebs, as if some kind of machinery in there was perpetually working.

நான்naan · I circled the rope ladder and decided to crash in the apple orchard around the வீடுveedu · house. Slender tree trunks, lots of branches, and a lower boundary consisting of a thick canopy: It was iffy at best, but நான்naan · I guessed நம்மnamma · we wouldn’t find a better place.

“Hold on to me very tightly,” நான்naan · I told Dawnie. “And whatever நீnee · you do, don’t let go!”

Next thing, everything was jolting and swishing around us. Branches whipped, leaves swirled, shrieking birds burst off in flight. The delta wing snapped and tore and suddenly நம்மnamma · we stopped, the twisted frame pierced by branches. They broke, and நம்மnamma · we fell down through a nauseating air pocket, surrounded by the sickly smell of apples, before the canopy caught us and நான்naan · I managed to grab onto a tree trunk.

A window in the caravan popped open and a frail woman looking older than the Earth itself leaned out. “My goodness!” அவava · she yelled. “Are நீnee · you எல்லாம்ellaam · all right?”

“நான்naan · I . . . think so . . .” நான்naan · I stammered. And promptly Dawnie rolled off என்னோடennoda · my back and ended up dangling in the vacuum beneath the apple tree, her face a mask of bewilderment, a thousand thanks to the carabiner on her belt. I hoisted her up, unclipped her and put her in the crown of the apple tree. We had survived the impact with இல்லilla · not/no more than a few scratches and some ripped clothes.

“You’d better hurry inside,” the woman சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said. “You two look like நீnee · you could use a cup of tea.”

A little while later நம்மnamma · we shuffled across the rickety footbridge, fastened to large hooks drilled into the Earth, toward the hanging trailer, careful இல்லilla · not/no to get entangled in the rustling cobwebs of flaxen rope. Inside, என்னோடennoda · my jaw dropped to the floor in surprise. The small caravan was literally crammed full of flax. The woman who had hailed us from the window இப்பippa · now sat in a rocking chair and was twining the flax together in thick strings. A second, almost identical old lady was knotting the strings into a rope ladder and feeding அதுadhu · it/that through the trapdoor in the floor.

“Be careful,” the second woman சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said worriedly. “You don’t want to fall through அதுadhu · it/that. You have இல்லilla · not/no idea how deep it is.”

“Of course அவங்கavanga · they do, Junilla,” her sister argued. “They’ve just வாvaa · come from down there.”

“But do அவங்கavanga · they know how deep அதுadhu · it/that is?” The little lady gazed at me expectantly, and நான்naan · I shrugged to be polite. “That’s my point, Leonilla,” she சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said, resolutely fastening a knot. “No one knows.”

They gave us steaming cups of herbal tea. Then the woman named Junilla turned to Dawnie like only old ladies can, her industrious hands never missing a beat. “What have நீnee · you got there, sweet thing?”

Shyly twisting her body back and forth, Dawnie showed her the 7-Up bottle. The woman peered curiously inside from behind her thick lenses and Bubbles looked out through the thin plastic with unwavering melancholy.

“A goldfish!” Junilla cried out in dismay. “What a terrible, terrible place for a goldfish.”

“Terrible!” her sister Leonilla concurred. “A goldfish! That’s the most terrible thing anyone could put inside a bottle.”

“Gin, yes . . .” Junilla சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said.

“Or a love letter . . .” Leonilla backed her up.

“But not a goldfish!”

“It is a love letter,” நான்naan · I blurted out. Suddenly என்னோடennoda · my voice trembled. “Or maybe இல்லilla · not/no really. Well, actually, basically அதுadhu · it/that is.” And before நான்naan · I knew அதுadhu · it/that, I told the two women என்னோடennoda · my story. I told them how your last words had prematurely ended the world, and how your last phone call had offered sufficient justification to try and bring நீnee · you Bubbles—an impossible quest in an impossible world as a last impossible token of my love for நீnee · you, because nothing was right in the world without you anyway, at least இல்லilla · not/no for என்னைennai · me, and never could be again. It didn’t வாvaa · come as a relief to talk about it, my heart didn’t feel an ounce lighter. I only realized I was crying when Dawnie caught my tears in the 7-Up bottle, making Bubbles think it was raining and to everyone’s surprise, urging him to somersault playfully.

“Poor thing,” Leonilla சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said, shaking her head.

“Poor, poor thing,” Junilla put அதுadhu · it/that more strongly.

“A goldfish in a bottle . . .”

“Forever trapped in the same circle . . .”

“The same, depressing circle . . .”

“You should let போpo · go of her,” Junilla சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said decidedly. But how, how, how could நான்naan · I ever let go of நீnee · you, when there wasn’t a moment அதுadhu · it/that passed without என்னைennai · me wishing நான்naan · I could hold நீnee · you close to என்னைennai · me—so அதுadhu · it/that, just for a short while, the world would இல்லilla · not/no longer be upside-down? On an impulse, I pressed Dawnie close to me, and there and then, I was overwhelmed by grief and I cried, inconsolable and heart-broken. Not just because of the void you had left behind, but also because I இப்பippa · now had to fill it with someone else. When a person’s dreams are taken away from them, அவங்கavanga · they will desperately cling to new ones, இல்லilla · not/no matter how empty those dreams are.

Oh, Sophie, நான்naan · I miss you so much.

“Things change, sweetheart, அதுadhu · it/that’s just the way it is,” Junilla சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said, laying a frail hand on my heaving shoulders.

“It’s better to be prepared for change,” Leonilla சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said.

“So that it doesn’t take நீnee · you by surprise when it comes.”

“Take the world, for instance,” Leonilla declared.

“The Earth!” Junilla emphasized. “What if the Earth, every once in a while, simply lets போpo · go? Takes a நல்லாnallaa · good look at என்னenna · what அதுadhu · it/that’s got, shivers, and shakes it எல்லாம்ellaam · all off?” And the old woman shivered after her own words.

“It’s a நல்லாnallaa · good thing நம்மnamma · we were prepared,” Leonilla சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said, giving a disconcerting yank on the flaxen rope entering the trailer through the window.

“Were நம்மnamma · we ever,” Junilla confirmed. “We’re packing our bags!”

My eyes hot and wet, நான்naan · I stared at the trapdoor in the floor. “Where are நீnee · you going?”

“Haven’t நீnee · you seen எல்லாம்ellaam · all those falling stars at night?” Junilla asked. “It must be wonderful down there!”

“Oh, yes, wonderful!” Leonilla said. “Miraculous, நான்naan · I’d say.”

“That’s where we’re going!”

Dawnie’s little voice was almost lost amidst the lively exclamations of the old women when அவava · she peered around the 7-Up bottle and சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said, “My Mommy is a falling star, too.”

There was a brief silence. “Really?” Leonilla responded. “How wonderful for her! That means நீnee · you get to make a wish, என்னோடennoda · my dear.”

Dawnie’s eyes widened and she writhed in embarrassment. “Can நான்naan · I . . . can I come with நீnee · you?”

“But of course, darling!” Junilla சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said. “If Toby இங்கinga · here doesn’t mind . . .”

நான்naan · I nodded mutely, swallowing back fresh tears.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Junilla sighed. “Why won’t நீnee · you just let go?”

“Nothing is worth clinging on to like அதுadhu · it/that,” Leonilla said.

And then, shaking her head, “A goldfish in a bottle . . .”

Right then நான்naan · I lost track of whether we were talking about Bubbles, about நீnee · you, or about me, and whether or not அதுadhu · it/that made any difference.

• • •

All the times நான்naan · I had வாvaa · come in இங்கinga · here before were like drops of honey sticking to என்னோடennoda · my fingertips as நான்naan · I jammed the gangway between the final oak tree and the kitchen window frame. Mad with lust as a teenager in love sneaking through your bedroom window, whispering so your parents wouldn’t hear us. Shaking with laughter as I carried நீnee · you across the backdoor threshold after a morning stroll filled with calm nonsense out by the lake. With leaden feet after more new tales I knew to be lies, still desperately trying to believe them—because after எல்லாம்ellaam · all, lies are meant to fill a void and I didn’t வேணும்venum · want நீnee · you to have to live with a void. And இப்பippa · now with your decision to போpo · go on without என்னைennai · me heaped in the palms of என்னோடennoda · my hands, and the power to reconsider in yours.

My heart leapt into என்னோடennoda · my throat when நான்naan · I saw the white-painted, mirrored letters on the window in the façade:

HELP

So நீnee · you were still alive. Your வீடுveedu · house hung upside-down and அதுadhu · it/that was a ruin of crumbling memories, but you were still alive.

“Sophie.”

நான்naan · I stood on the ceiling of என்னenna · what remained of the kitchen and listened to the inverted silence.

And then, a landslide: “Toby?”

My name.

Your voice.

நான்naan · I clambered through the door into the living room. நான்naan · I found more ravages of tumbled furniture, piled up எல்லாம்ellaam · all the way to the sagging floorboards. But நீnee · you had cleared the middle of the ceiling and there நீnee · you were, lying on the couch.

“It’s really நீnee · you,” you said, trying to push yourself up.

நான்naan · I shrugged, embarrassed. “Of course.”

“நான்naan · I thought you were dead.”

நான்naan · I took the 7-Up bottle from my backpack and held it up. “I brought Bubbles for நீnee · you.”

Your incredulous gaze moved from the goldfish inside the bottle to என்னைennai · me. “But how did நீnee · you get எல்லாம்ellaam · all the way . . .”

I shrugged again.

You grinned. “You’re insane, aren’t நீnee · you?”

“You know that.”

Your universe.

My universe.

நான்naan · I descended as நீnee · you rose and நான்naan · I folded நீnee · you—the fragile reality அதுadhu · it/that was you—in என்னோடennoda · my arms. You pressed stiffly against என்னைennai · me and நம்மnamma · we sank down onto the couch. Your smell—evidently and impossibly Sophie—was so overwhelming and carried so much weight அதுadhu · it/that I had to surrender to it utterly, இல்லilla · not/no matter என்னenna · what might வாvaa · come after. It drove me mad. It didn’t matter. And so I buried my face in your neck and inhaled your scent like a drug, immersing myself greedily in your presence. We lay there like that for a long time, intimately entangled, in a perfect, pure state of being.

“Everything okay?” நான்naan · I asked, moist lips against your earlobe.

“Yes. நான்naan · I think so, yes.” Hot air from your innermost self in என்னோடennoda · my hair. “நான்naan · I think my kneecap’s broken. And my back hurts really bad.”

“Were you in bed?”

“Underneath it.”

“It’s okay. நான்naan · I’m here இப்பippa · now.” I caressed the gossamer, downy hairs behind your ear, the curve of your neck.

“Toby.”

“Sssh.”

“But . . .”

“It’s okay.”

“Everything is truly, seriously fucked up, isn’t அதுadhu · it/that?”

நான்naan · I pushed gently away from நீnee · you so I could look you in the eye. “You called me.”

“Yes.”

“Sophie.”

You let go of என்னைennai · me and hoisted yourself up, because நீnee · you couldn’t handle the situation.

But நான்naan · I clasped your hand and said, “I’ve missed you, Sophie.”

“Stop அதுadhu · it/that.” A tear trickled down your cheek. “நான்naan · I’m so worried about Mom and Dad. I haven’t heard from them. I haven’t seen anyone since it happened, இல்லilla · not/no a single soul. Do நீnee · you தெரியும்theriyum · know if help is coming?”

நான்naan · I felt myself growing faint inside. “I came, didn’t I?”

You looked at me for a long time. “நான்naan · I’m sorry about how அதுadhu · it/that all turned out.”

“Yeah. Me too,” நான்naan · I சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said. “I liked அதுadhu · it/that better when everything was still right-side up. Made it a lot easier to see each other.”

“Toby.”

“Well, sorry—” My voice shook, looking for purchase. “—நான்naan · I just don’t know how to deal with அதுadhu · it/that. Everything has changed now, right? Can’t நம்மnamma · we . . .”

“Toby.”

“But couldn’t we—”

“Don’t, Toby.”

நான்naan · I couldn’t hold back my tears. “But I’ll do everything differently.”

“You weren’t the ஒண்ணுonnu · one who had to do things differently.”

“நான்naan · I can’t handle this alone.”

“Sure you can.”

“But I love you.”

Remember how நீnee · you looked away then, like நீnee · you always used to? Your eyes too heavy, a bottomless depth inside them. நான்naan · I was torn away from you; நான்naan · I fell and I fell, and then splash into a bottle full of fizzing tears. A whirling vortex sucked என்னைennai · me deeper and deeper below the water, propelled by the force of you looking away. In a panic, I kicked என்னோடennoda · my legs and vainly groped for purchase on smooth, plastic walls.

“நான்naan · I love நீnee · you!” நான்naan · I tried to scream, but என்னோடennoda · my love rose in bubbles to the surface and burst apart. Weakened, I wheeled என்னோடennoda · my arms, pounding on the plastic. And behind the label நீnee · you looked away; you didn’t see அதுadhu · it/that I was drowning. I sank down in a slow spiral, hitting the bottom of the 7-Up bottle with a muffled thump.

My lungs filled up with tears as நான்naan · I whispered, “Please . . .”

And you said, “நான்naan · I need time.”

நான்naan · I came up then, spluttering and gasping for breath. Soaked and flabbergasted, நான்naan · I let the lie of those words descend on என்னைennai · me. As soon as I was able, I clambered up and staggered out of the living room.

“Where are you going?”

“நான்naan · I’ll get you some aspirin,” I mumbled stupidly.

“Wait!”

But நான்naan · I had already gone through the kitchen and didn’t hear நீnee · you. Hanging from the banister, நான்naan · I lowered myself to the upstairs floor. After everything I had been through, after the countless times I had risked என்னோடennoda · my life to take Bubbles to நீnee · you, trying in vain to still என்னோடennoda · my love for you with my love for you, and scrambling up from the pounding surf of a dying Earth . . . you need time? How much more time do you think the world will give you, Sophie?

நான்naan · I crashed into the bulging ceiling, and அதுadhu · it/that groaned beneath என்னோடennoda · my weight. If the வீடுveedu · house had given way right then, I wouldn’t have cared. But I wasn’t even granted that much mercy—I was predestined to போpo · go down in your cold reality, இல்லilla · not/no in my own illusion.

The bedroom. My picture wasn’t on your wall. நான்naan · I wanted to believe அதுadhu · it/that had fallen and splintered, நான்naan · I wanted to believe அதுadhu · it/that more than anything in the world. Other photo frames lay broken on the ceiling: holiday snapshots, family, your friends. I knew them எல்லாம்ellaam · all intimately. Bunched-up sweater, the ஒண்ணுonnu · one I bought நீnee · you in Paris. Open backgammon board. Dented candles. Upside-down bed. Broken glass. Buddha figurine. Not a trace of என்னோடennoda · my picture.

The Earth turned away in shame.

Bubbles rolled on his stomach and floated to the surface.

On என்னenna · what had been என்னோடennoda · my side of the bed நான்naan · I saw someone else’s sneakers, someone else’s watch, and how can நான்naan · I describe என்னenna · what comes next, how can I continue, I wonder how so much of என்னோடennoda · my life could have occurred outside of என்னைennai · me, and I hadn’t known, or had I known after எல்லாம்ellaam · all, didn’t அதுadhu · it/that only make அதுadhu · it/that worse, on to the bathroom, trendy jeans, trendy shirt, blood between the tiles, அவன்avan · he must have been taking a shower, the cast iron bathtub had broken off and crushed him, his wallet in his pocket, student ID, Tom was his name, Tom something, fair-haired kid, longish hair, completely your type, the bathroom window was open, what have நீnee · you done to him, dammit that same fucking night நீnee · you spread your legs for him, what have you done to என்னைennai · me?

Back downstairs நீnee · you were leaning out of the kitchen window, stooped beneath the weight of missed opportunities. You were crying. Below என்னைennai · me, on the gangway leading away from நீnee · you, the ID cards with his picture on them slowly fluttered down. நான்naan · I gazed at you cold-faced. Yes, you needed time for yourself, and yes, நான்naan · I understood you needed to discover who you wanted to be. I understood your desire for a quieter place without promises and confessions. I would even have forgiven you your mistakes. You were என்னோடennoda · my world. But the world had repelled everything. More logic than any human being could comprehend and more human beings than was comprehensibly logical . . . anything but the revolting image of you crying for someone else and the dawning realization அதுadhu · it/that there was இல்லilla · not/no longer any room for என்னைennai · me in இதுidhu · this reality you had created.

And the goldfish?

He deserved something better.

• • •

It was like a dream at the bottom of the world: நான்naan · I was sitting on a tree branch stretched out low beneath the shore of the hanging lake. My legs were dangling over nothing and above என்னைennai · me நான்naan · I could see என்னோடennoda · my own reflection in the water, burning in the sun dipping up behind the horizon. When I tapped the 7-Up bottle, a shiver ran through Bubbles’s delicate fins and அவன்avan · he turned his face toward என்னைennai · me.

“Go on, boy,” நான்naan · I சொன்னாங்கsonnaanga · said, twisting the cap from the bottle. “You’re free.”

நான்naan · I held the bottle up and poked the top through the water surface. Air bubbles gurgled down and stayed afloat on the scales of gravity. Bubbles watched அதுadhu · it/that எல்லாம்ellaam · all skeptically. Then நான்naan · I reached further, pushing the bottle all the way under and turning அதுadhu · it/that over.

And Bubbles flipped over as well. Suddenly அவன்avan · he was swimming upside-down, slithering skittishly from ஒண்ணுonnu · one end of the bottle to the other. The air bubbles escaped and நான்naan · I gently rocked the bottle back and forth until Bubbles discovered the opening of the screw cap and peeked curiously through அதுadhu · it/that.

“Go on,” நான்naan · I whispered, shaking the drops of falling water from என்னோடennoda · my hair. “You’re free.”

For ஒண்ணுonnu · one more moment, the goldfish lingered. Then அவன்avan · he swam out of the bottleneck. He looked around, wary. Suddenly his fins whirled and bristled, and அவன்avan · he darted away into the deep.

So அதுadhu · it/that was அதுadhu · it/that. Bye, Bubbles. நான்naan · I smiled, feeling a bit melancholy. But என்னோடennoda · my melancholy was soon washed away in a sense of fulfillment when நான்naan · I pulled the 7-Up bottle from the lake and finally, after such a long journey, let it போpo · go. I watched as the bottle tumbled down and disappeared from view. Then I straightened up. I was surprised to see Bubbles gazing at என்னைennai · me from behind the reflection of என்னோடennoda · my face. He had வாvaa · come back to the surface and pursed his lips over the water, as if அவன்avan · he was telling என்னைennai · me a secret, causing a minute ripple. I couldn’t take my eyes away from the image. Why did it evoke so much love inside me? And then I understood. Of course: Bubbles wasn’t the ஒண்ணுonnu · one who was upside-down . . . I was upside-down.

It was எல்லாம்ellaam · all just a matter of perspective.

Looking at அதுadhu · it/that from the other side, the world was still right-side up.

நான்naan · I stripped naked and took a deep breath. நான்naan · I dunked என்னோடennoda · my head through the surface of the water, enjoying the sudden sensation of coldness and fizzing air bubbles coming down and rinsing என்னோடennoda · my face clean. Wobbly, I rose up on the branch, groping into the water with my arms, இப்பippa · now submerged to the waist. And when I pushed off, gravity took a hold of என்னைennai · me and I slipped like a diver into Bubbles’s world.

நான்naan · I came up. Treading water, நான்naan · I started laughing. I had forgotten என்னenna · what normal looked like. Or normal . . . even though I was on the right side of up and down, என்னோடennoda · my hair stood up in wet strands and made அதுadhu · it/that rain in the universe. That made என்னைennai · me laugh even harder. On the shore, trees lifted their arms like children being dressed in sweaters by their mothers. Somewhere a branch snapped, falling straight up into the sky.

Bubbles darted playfully around என்னைennai · me, a streak of orange in the deep green waters. நான்naan · I dove under and நம்மnamma · we tumbled and somersaulted until என்னோடennoda · my lungs felt fit to burst. Every time நான்naan · I resurfaced I felt a little lighter. Finally நம்மnamma · we swam out toward the middle of the lake in our newly acquired normality, side by side, the goldfish and என்னைennai · me.

There, in my own little place in the world, நான்naan · I let go.

• • •

நான்naan · I don’t தெரியும்theriyum · know whether என்னோடennoda · my sleep was dreamless because there were இல்லilla · not/no falling stars or because a teasing twig in the crown of the tree was poking என்னோடennoda · my back, but when நான்naan · I woke up the next morning a dreary fog was clinging to the Earth’s surface. All around என்னைennai · me, இல்லilla · not/no matter where I looked, was gray. I wondered where the fog had வாvaa · come from. A muted silence hung over everything, and any sound I made stayed suspended inside அதுadhu · it/that and made me more aware of myself.

It didn’t take என்னைennai · me long to return to the hanging caravan, but the two old ladies and Dawnie were gone. The trapdoor in the floor was open and the end of the rope ladder had been left tied to ஒண்ணுonnu · one of the rocking chairs. நான்naan · I imagined how Junilla and Leonilla, hauling their possessions and bickering incessantly, were descending the ladder rung by rung, with Dawnie following curiously behind. Somewhere, much lower down where the stars were falling, அவங்கavanga · they would bump into the woman with the Kroger bags and அவava · she would say, Well, imagine அதுadhu · it/that. நான்naan · I was just looking for நீnee · you.

நான்naan · I swung என்னோடennoda · my legs over the edge of the trapdoor and grabbed the first rung. Beneath என்னோடennoda · my feet, the ladder was calmly swaying and fading in the mist. நான்naan · I took a deep breath and started down, keeping my eyes closed as if I was sleepwalking. Droplets of fog condensed on my eyelashes. When I opened my eyes again, the Earth’s surface had disappeared and எல்லாம்ellaam · all I could see above என்னைennai · me were the hazy contours of the caravan. Then, even அவங்கavanga · they were gone.

Now, நான்naan · I am alone, in the mist.

Were நீnee · you thinking of என்னைennai · me? And if நீnee · you could have seen me descend, would you have wondered where the rope ladder leads? But then நான்naan · I would tell you அதுadhu · it/that doesn’t matter. What matters is the path you take, the journey you make. Once you realize that, it’s easier to let போpo · go, at the end.

நான்naan · I think நான்naan · I வேணும்venum · want நீnee · you to தெரியும்theriyum · know அதுadhu · it/that you hurt என்னைennai · me so incredibly badly, Sophie. Now I’m going down the ladder. Searching for solid ground beneath என்னோடennoda · my feet. It’s இல்லilla · not/no easy. I’m terrified of என்னenna · what I will find down there. But I close my eyes and keep descending. Sometimes the ropes shake and I imagine it’s you following me, somewhere up there in the fog. But maybe it’s just the wind. And I realize I don’t care either way. I am somebody, too.

Down here, நம்மnamma · we are all falling stars.